he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
