she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
