I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize