I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When are your genitals available?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
