if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
