Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize