We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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