i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
