Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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