your parents love me but you hate me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
