last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
