Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
