fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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