The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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