What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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