My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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