Sponge bath it is.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
