FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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