So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
