Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
