I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
