everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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