batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
