brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
