why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
