I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
