I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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