dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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