i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
