I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
