3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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