When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Be still, my beating vagina.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
