Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
