He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize