There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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