After last night, I could never be a politician.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
