I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
