it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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