I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
