You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
