planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
