I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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