a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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