i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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