Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize