she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
