I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
