I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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