Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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