Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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