if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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