Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
