u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
