so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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