everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
