sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
