remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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