Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Randomize