we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
