Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
