You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
