Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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