You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
