you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
