my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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