I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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