Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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