she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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