do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How's work?
Spinning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
