Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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