Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
