Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
