Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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