He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
